Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
