Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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