I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
