It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
