dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
