Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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