Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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