we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Damn victory sex feels great
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
