you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
