No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize