and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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