Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize