She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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