he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
