He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
