singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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