The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
