But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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