Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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