Pants 0. Shit 1.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
