Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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