His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
