So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
how drunk are you?
Several
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
