Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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