dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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