The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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