That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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