she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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