someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
