You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
