How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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