He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
