I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
