all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize