So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
