And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
