In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I won the penis lottery.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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