Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
