I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
