Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
