tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i have two assholes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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