I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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