Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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