North Korea, Best Korea!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
