I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
