marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
