All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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