I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
