I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
