HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
