It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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