why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize