Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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