he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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