Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
