I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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