I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize