I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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