apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
