I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
