Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
