I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
