Ambien. No doubt about it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
