she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
