You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
