Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
