dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
